Putting Being Aligned Over Being Liked

*Trigger warning: sexual abuse*

Take care of yourself first and foremost; if you think this topic might upset or trigger you, click off this blog post – I have other posts you can read if you want to! Sending you so much fucking love right now.

The need for being liked is something I have struggled with for my entire life. I used to feel like my friends were running away from me, and this in turn would simply fuel my desire to be liked, to be loved, to be accepted and validated. I was desperate to feel worthy of connection.

The sexual abuse I suffered from was absolutely coated in the idea that by the very act of it, by having my boundaries crossed, I was being accepted by somebody. I was finally being liked. Do you know how *awful* that feels?

It seems that my whole entire life has been based on whether or not somebody liked me, or accepted me – and that simple fact has been rotting inside of me every single day. It is something I have been addressing, something I have been constantly addressing. There is a shadow within me, something I have long been trying to work on overcoming. By doing so, by doing the work, I have been able to get back my sense of validation, of love, and of acceptance within myself.

Being open online as I am, which is all part of being a badass business bitch in the 21st century, is all part of this. I have been known to focus on the number of followers I have, how many likes and comments I get, how many people message me and how many invitations I receive. This, in my mind, links back to how much (or how little) people like me. To what I am worth.

And my sexual abuse, well, that was where my worth and acceptance fused together with my need for validation. Everything was intertwined, and taking up so much space and time in my life. Nothing was separate anymore. Without one, I couldn’t have the other.

But over time, I have been able to channel. that. energy. Channel it elsewhere, into other places in my life, into feeling aligned. Into my business, into being a guide for badass fucking bitches like YOU. Everything is reflected back at me through numbers. 

Still, though, with the numbers – it’s not ideal. It echoes the thoughts that have been tangled up in my past – how can I prove my worth, leading to how will I make connections here? 

Through people validating my thoughts, and loving my essence. 

Accepting me. Holding space for *me*.

It’s important for me to be aware of this. And bitch, I am. I know I’m letting the same kind of energy in now as I was back then – in a much less damaging way, of course, but still in a way that needs dealing with. I check in on myself regularly, and remind myself that alignment does not equal being liked.

And you know, the more I actually align to my greatest self… well, the more I seem to repel people. I trigger people. That is my greatest motherfucking gift. This is something that has n o t h i n g to do with my worth, how I’m accepted or how I am validated.

This is just about ME. So guess what? I’m just going to keep on focusing on being aligned, rather than being liked. That’s the way it has to be, biatch!

LOVE YOUUUUU

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